Feeling Free....

Maybe its because I actually stuck with my diet and exercise and saw the pay off.....

Down 4 lbs this week!!  Hit my goal.

Or I've finally decided to accept what I cannot change and just be happy....

But I feel fantastic today.  Not physically but mentally.  I had an awesome talk with my husband (who as always has the answer I need to hear versus the answer I want to hear).  

I have been petitioning to finish up nursing education.  As far as a Masters degree was my lofty end goal.  BUT.....

Reality = I only have 6 years of working outside the home and I would use it all up just staying in school.

Why just 6 years?  Olivia will graduate in 6 years at 21.  

Huh?  Did I just write she will be 

21 in 6 years???????

Yep, and she will be home full time in 6 years.  The thing with Olivia is, she will always be with us, she will always need someone to watch out for her every minute she is awake.  That someone is me.  

I pictured me being all "successful" with as Director of Nursing or some high up level nursing job.  I really did. I really thought that would measure my success, my worth. 

I was enlightened that my definition of success was slightly skewed.  My view is now is straight and in line to ensure a happy life.  That's the success.  A happy life.  Happy husband, happy kids, happy mama.

I am going to apply for the bridge RN and full RN program in January but after that, if I don't get in, I'm accepting that's not the path I should go.

That doesn't mean I'll just do nothing (you know besides taking care of 3 kids ;).  I will work as a LPN until Liv graduates.  I actually am (with my sister, Emily) slowly moving forward with a home business.  I could not be anymore excited about it too!  Sometimes plans change.  Just got to keep swimming.  Luckily its in my nature to adapt and go with the flow.  I'm awesome like that.  ;)

Thanks Dory!

Moving right along.......

Weigh In Wednesday

Woo hoo!  I made my weekly goal of -4 pounds!  Weight this morning was 242.  
No workout today.  Last night my legs were cramping so bad, today they are super sore but better right now.  Definitely shooting for tomorrow. 

So last night I made this.  My kids loved it!

Sausage, Egg, Cheese quiche with whole wheat crust.

The crust is made with 1 1/2 c whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup melted butter, 2 tbs milk, 1/2 tsp salt.

The filling is 4 eggs, 1 1/2 c milk, 1/2 lb crumbled sausage, 1/2 c colby cheese.  

Bake in 375 for about 40 min. 

This would be easy enough to double, triple, etc and freeze for a weekend breakfast or another dinner.  Definitely going to do that!  I'm all about saving the money now.  I'll save that for another day.  

Gotta go get the 2nd little from school.  That would be this cutie--> 

2 hours later and the mood is not as happy.  All I'll say is poop, poop everywhere.  Deep breath, I am accepting this, deep breath, it could be worse, not a lot but some.

Slight glitch but made it anyways

Woke up refreshed, awesome, gonna take this day and make it mine.  Then....

Knock, knock, knock ......two little neighbor girls red faced and crying.  "Help, our moms been in an accident"

I probably said "Oh shit" but don't really remember.  Sorry girls for the language.  I get my hoodie on and run across the super muddy yard to see what is going on.

My poor friend is just crying in the back seat of her car, hubby was getting last minute things for the kids.  3 other kids were in the car with her, a couple of them crying just as hard, waiting to be dropped off at school.

I went around to her side to see what happened.  Her arm was tore up, like inside out tore up.  Turns out they were dog sitting and this dog (maybe spooked by the rain?) turned on her.  I hugged her, took the three kids to my house and took all five to school.

When I got back (after my workout) hubby was taking the big dog to animal control, none too happy obviously.  She's back at home and out of harms way.  Thank goodness.

It can happen so fast.  My goodness it could have been so much worse.  It wasn't a little dog, it was a really big dog, like front paws to head up to between my elbow and shoulder big.  Ok, Im not that tall & Im only used to an 8 pound Morkie.

My lesson of the day, thank you God for watching out for her (and it just so happens her husband is off this whole week for vacation--talk about great timing-stinks it's spent this way though)  Thank you God for watching out for my family.  I'm sure on so many occasions we were in harms way but guess what

GOD IS JUST LIKE THIS

I kind of felt guilty working out.  I was super worried for her. I was worried for her husband.  Heck, I was worrying if those kids were going to be sad at school all day.  Then like always God knocks, knocks, knocks and says..

 

So I felt better and burned those 1000 calories yet again.  I was there for 90 minutes but I said screw it.

I am able to do this so I will do this.

Now I was going on pure adrenaline and feeling like I could kick serious butt I forgot my meal #2 but I'm sure it'll even out someday ;)

Oh yah, here is what I had last night.....

This is that homemade Velveeta with some whole wheat noodles.  Yum huh?  I made the whole box of noodles and had left overs for at least two more meals for the whole family.  

I paired 1/2 cup of  that with a meatball ( I made 10 meatballs out of 1lb hamburger), celery stick and homemade ranch (hidden valley ranch packet in some greek yogurt).  That particular ranch dip tasted nasty.....like need to brush my teeth after nasty.  I will try something else ---maybe homemade hummus!

So my goal today is staying on my meal plan --only eating what is already made up for the day.  Exercise is done so I have the rest of the day to sit and rel---- Oh wait I'm a mom.  I need to go pick up Mauryn in about 5 minutes.

Bring it day. 

Tomorrow is Weigh-In Wednesday.  Wish me luck with the scale!

So Busy Planning

This weekend was fairly busy.  A fun busy.  I planned and made all this weeks worth of meals.  All clean.

 (Certified by me)

I did actually stay within the no processed guidelines.

First up---Granola!

It makes the house smell awesome too, so win-win.

My recipe for it.

It is so easy, you can really put anything you want into it.  I doubled the above and used the pumpkin seeds from the ones we carved this weekend.  Specifically "Bob's" seeds.  Ethan named him Bob (super creative), just like our Elf on the Shelf.  Which BTW is planning on visiting soon.  

I can't wait for the kids (or cough....me.....cough) 

Thanks Bob!

The next thing I made was homemade Velveeta.  Its for a couple of dinners (on broccoli and homemade mac and cheese).  You can use it in place of sliced cheese too!!  It tastes just as good but without all the extra stuffs. You can use it just like you would Velveeta.   

New Creamy Cheesiness--> Which I can now call actual cheese instead of "processed cheese product"

Plus you can used different kinds of cheeses so you can have a bigger selection of taste.  Next time I want to try pepper jack....mmmm

Ingredients --Water, Colby Cheese, Milk, Salt, Cream of Tartar, Milk again, gelatin. 

Here is a link to the recipe.....

http://www.fromaway.com/cooking/how-to-make-american-cheese

This weeks planning looks like this....

My meals are on the top, Brian's on the bottom

In my bags....

Total calories above roughly 1150 + Dinner = not to go over 1482 for the day

(because of dressing for the salad--I'm going to try w/out but it sounds horrible)

Brian's don't have #2, he prefers the microwavable meals.

What about the kids??

Cool it Helen.

Feeding The Littles

I have to approach their eating a little slower.  I really want them to develop good eating habits and not become overweight.  This is an especially concerning point for Olivia.  She is already done growing height wise but if I don't make sure she eats correctly so many extra health problems can occur for her and its just not fair for her, she can't make those kind of choices.  Ethan is super small for his age.  He's 8 but can wear some size 4-5 clothes still.  Mauryn is short but right on track.  She's going to pass Ethan up on weight in no time.

My basic plan is simply not buying processed stuff.  I will make what I can't buy healthy.  That is definitely not to say they can't have treats ever.  I won't be the mama who brings their own healthy snacks to bday parties LOL.  I'll just only give them healthy choices here.  They got to learn how to do it on their own.  

Progress so far:

• I've switched everyone to milk only for breakfast and water the rest of the day.  So far I have received no complaints.  Score! 
• Have healthy snacks available for them to choose.  It's seems like if they have a choice they don't complain that they are all healthy.  Ex. fruit, mixed nuts--they love pistachios, cheese, etc.  Give them a choice of 2 eh, they might ask for another option.  3 and they are feel like they are in charge :)

That's all I got so far.  It's only week 2 so I don't expect that much.

Gotta take care of the little's.....

Oh  PS if you made it this far.  I didn't work out this weekend and am taking the weekends as flex days--I stay on my eating plan but just don't calculate the calories.  Much easier, esp when out of town.  This morning I weighed and stayed the same, so I count it as a success.  To stay on my plan I just have to lose 1 more pound by Wednesday.  Fingers crossed :)

It's not all about the naps.....

Non-scale story.......

At the gym I had a, not really awkward, but odd conversation.

Guy: Hops on the treadmill beside me, watches me.
Me: Creeper detector registering some activity

Guy: "So your one of those stay at home moms aren't you?"  
Me: Not even turning off my SOA, sarcastically nods in a nice enough way to not look like a B but just enough to say I don't want to continue this.

Guy:  "That's cool, but what do you do all day?  Why don't you just get a job?"

Me:  In my mind --> "Really dude?  Why are you not at work?"
People pleasing me: "My husband works and I have 3 kids to take care of"

Guy: "Ya, but there's lots of moms that work with 3 kids or more"
Me: "Yep"  that was all just "Yep"  How does he know they aren't in the child care area?   They aren't but he doesn't know that.  Or crap maybe he did.  Uhhh.

Guy: " Well ,no offense." and he hopped off and walked away...presumably to make other friends.
Me:  Missed the entire rest of my SOA episode because I was too busy thinking of all the things I should have said.  BTW I have been walking this entire time on the treadmill...

I'm such a people pleaser.  So instead of setting him straight, I let him think I just did nothing all day.

What I really wanted to say to you guy was..............

Well I do stay home yes, I do have 3 hours each morning since August to come work out when normally working moms "should" be at a job, while the kids are all in school.

I also have 3 children.  One of which includes a Miss Olivia aka Miss Attitude with Mom on most days.

She was born with an Unbalanced Translocation of Trisomy3q2 and Monosomy9p-.  
In short --> 3 #3 chromos and 1 1/2 #9 chromos got together and decided 1 of the #3's should fuse with the 1/2 #9 in order to make sure she was compatible with life.  It worked!

Now its not like she hasn't been in day care before but when she was she was super little.  Little enough that wearing diapers wasn't that big of a deal for day care workers to work with.  (side note, one day at 3 years old she came home with a black eye)

She is now 14.  She has a neurogenic bladder and bowels.  Here is some more info...
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000754.htm  So she can't control her voiding.  This is a direct result of one of two (or both) things, her tethered spinal cord which was repaired and the mis-firing of messages sent to her brain (non-functioning corpus collasum) Here's more info on that. http://www.nodcc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=27.  She can function as much as she can because, in her magnificent way, created new pathways to send messages to allow her to do what she can do.  Flipping amazing how the body works but sometimes there are limits.

She can not be left alone for more than 10 min.  She does have scattered abilities but by comparison, both Ethan and Mauryn took better care of themselves at 2 years old than she can right now.

She is nonverbal, as in maybe 5 words that are really recognizable.  She uses an IPAD touch screen talker but its not full time.  We understand her and know how to take care of her.  She has a hard time dressing herself.  No buttons, zippers, snaps, etc.  She can not tie her shoes.

She has seizures.  Not any big ones for awhile though, thank goodness.  The neuro doc did say when she seems to zone out she maybe be having them frequently throughout the day.  She has swallowing issues.  She does not have the usual hunger/full responses.  She will eat till the point of puking or constipation (if you let her) on the flip side she wont voluntarily ask to eat.

Now I did go to nursing school to become a LPN, but the pay for that and the pay for before/after school care for her (which would have to be a CNA level--for the changing etc.) and Ethan and Mauryn does not equal an income.  It equals a negative.  

So you see guy, I did not want to weigh you down with this lengthy response because it would only make you feel bad.  I would rather keep it to myself, make sure I'm the one in the not so bright light, and not share my daughters every "cant" in fear it puts her in a negative light.  I've heard the "Why would you let her live like that?"  the she's a "Freak of Nature" the "God must really hate her"  and you know what Im not that mad about it.  It's simply an un-education of her situation. EXCEPT the "Freak of Nature" lady---she was a NICU nurse!!!  I will say she qualifies as a turd.  ;)

I highly doubt he would have said any of the above at all but its really too long, too emotional, too nunyabusiness to actually say it him and wait for a response.

Is it mean I didn't give him a chance?  Maybe but I'd rather just put my headphones back on at watch my Sons.........
Keeping It Simple success.  

Waahhhhh....Cry baby rant complete.  Feels good to get it out.  Now to go make sure my wine glass is ready for tonight ;)

Here is Olivia for you --->  

"Heck ya, I just rolled a bowling ball.  Didn't hit anything but I rock so it matters not"

LOL--I realize the rant is overboard but its a rant, theres not rules to a rant.

Down 3 lbs :)

Yay.  It's working.  Down 3 lbs since Tuesday.  So today is 243.  I totally forgot to weigh yesterday.  I'll post my weight on the days I actually remember to weigh before I eat breakfast :) 

I'm trying to not so much obsess on my weight as much as feel better, workout, and eat clean.  

Note to self -->

So far today I have burned 840 calories.  I skipped my oatmeal.  Instead I ate a small teeny tiny apple --a whole 53 calories.  Big mistake!  I was starving by lunch and added 500 some calories.  I skipped the carbs but still not feeling the best from the change up.  

So yesterday I made burrito bowls for dinner = Layered hamburger, corn, beans, salsa, chips, sour cream.  No chips or tortilla for this carb addict.  Haha!  I measure my success on that!

I made my own salsa, chips, & beans.

Recipe for salsa --> 1 can diced tomatoes, 1 can rotel, diced jalapeno, 1/2 limes juice, handful of cilantro, honey to taste (I use about 1/4 cup or so).  Blend in a food processor.  Easy, yummy, clean eating.

Recipes for chips -->  This one is SUPER complicated.  

Step 1 cut tortillas in triangles

Step 2 drizzle olive oil

Step 3 heres where it gets tricky....salt them lightly.

Step 4 oven 350 for I cant remember but right before burnt

Not clean eating so I will have to make my own tortillas and post a different recipe if I remember ;)

Recipe for slow cooker beans --> 

I LOVE re-fried beans but the canned stuff is full of LARD, yuck!

This is easier than the salsa and not as tricky as the chips.  

*2 cups dry pinto beans

*1 large onion, cut in half

*1 tbs cumin

*1 tbs garlic powder 

*1 tbs salt (I dont really salt things very much so you might need a bunch more in the end)

*6 cups water

Step 1 Place rinsed beans in slow cooker

Step 2 Place the two halves of onions on top

Step 3 Throw in all the spices (add anything you want--jalapenos, etc)

Step 4 Cover with the water, leave it on high for 8 hrs. 

Step 5 Mash, enjoy awesome clean eating beans.

For my sister Emily......

Today's eating plan-calories -->

1-Breakfast sandwich-223

2-Small apple -52

3-Egg salad--3 scrambled eggs, 2 serv. shredded cheese (got to break that addiction!), 1 serv. miracle whip

4-Protein shake --> Im excited about this one, if its good at all I'll post tomorrow :)

5-Sausage/Cheese/Spinach quiche, peaches

6- Meh, we'll see, havent really been needing anything.  Just drinkin' my water and Im good.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/BKindel1228

ITS FRIDAY!!!  You know what that mean!!!  Friday = Wine Day :)

I know its not on my diet and...........

Bring It Friday, please be nice the rest of it!

Day 3 --> Rocked it!

Woo hoo!  Busted out another 1,000 cal burn day at the gym.  It's funny because Tuesday when I did the 1000 I felt great all day, yesterday I did the min. of 800 and felt bad, today (so far is a repeat of Tuesday).  I'm thinking my feeling bad was partly just because did the minimum and felt guilty.  Seriously.  I had headaches and was super cranky after dinner time.  Which leads me to this.........

I sincerely think when I chose to do the minimum I kept myself back.  Like I have done the past 10 years (in regards to weight loss).  I gave myself all the excuses....But you worked so hard yesterday, but if you still just do 800 you're on track, but you can just be done and maybe workout on the elliptical at home........but, but, but.  

Excuses are you thinking you can lie to yourself.  In reality your body is smarter than you.  It says "Fine you wanna lie, I wont show you any results and you'll feel more miserable than you would have if you only would have pushed yourself"  

The mind is tricky, the body is not.

So lesson one that I've learned so far is....trust your body.  My body wasn't as tired as I though it was yesterday.

Punched out 1000 calories today and feel fantastic!  I probably could have done more but I would have had to be rolled out the door, down the street, and into my house because my legs could possibly have fallen off.  Then this would happen.....

Ewww. Can you imagine?  

Anyways......Everything from yesterday was pretty much on target

You can check out myfitnesspal of what I logged, I think I opened it up so its public so you dont have to join to see what Im doing..

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/BKindel1228?date=2013-10-23

It says I am under my calories but its because it only allows you to lose 2lbs/week whereas my goal is 4 for these first few weeks.

Todays Goals:

1. Drink my water.  10 cups down already.  

BTW  Here is a tip from Chris Powell (https://www.facebook.com/realchrispowell?fref=ts)  <facebook page>  

Chris Powell

20 hours ago

Water Check! We're half way through the day, are you at least half way through your water? (Aim for 1/2 your body weight in # of ounces. 200lbs drink 100oz). Report in! (or go drink, then report in  )

So for me it would be 122 ounces of water a day!  That is 15 cups.  Which I have been averaging 16 so yay!  Im doing it right :)  I cant express it enough of how much my kidneys LOVE me right now.  Being hydrated makes a world of difference!!

     2.  Stay on food plan which is...

1-Breakfast sandwich  (next week I plan to ditch the english muffin-too much carbs)

2-Steel cut oats/ricotta

3-Ditching the Smart Ones meals (Thanks to a friends awesome advice--just not healthy)  shooting for scrambled eggs & cheese--non carby.

4-Protein shake --I need something that gets me through till dinner--this has been my worst time for cravings!

5-Dinner is Burrito Bowls--> burrito stuffings --no tortillas (for me) and homemade salsa--I'll take a pic and post the recipe for it tomorrow....super yummy!!

6-Ehhh we'll see....

3.  Not take any medications....Im going to invest my time time in some research to get rid of my headaches without my faithful love named Tylenol.

All right day.....Let's Bring It!

What do you know? I survived!

Yay, I survived Day 1!

My legs are soooo sore but its an awesome feeling.  Not only that I lost 1.2 lbs from yesterday.  Not all water weight either because I drank about 16 cups of water.  Oh yah, 16 cups will keep your eyeballs floating.  

One of my secrets to making it over an hour and the gym ---LOL secrets---I've only been doing this for a couple months not like I'm an expert--YET! ;)  is that I put episodes of SOA in my dropbox and then play them while I'm on the treadmill or elliptical.

Speaking of elliptical I would like to show you my exact love for this machine......

The Devils Toy                                                                         Me

                                                                        

 Moving along.....I re-started my entries in myfitnesspal.  I'm going to enter everything I eat and all workouts into this because it calculates everything for me, pretty awesome.

If anyone is on there and wants to find me Im at https://www.myfitnesspal.com/bkindel1228

I stayed on my plan from yesterday except omitted my protein shake and changed dinner.

Here is what I made instead....Definitely recommend!!

Healthy Hamburger helper (not my pic)

I got the recipe here... http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-recipe/hamburger-buddy.aspx

Here is what I will use as my inspiration today.....

Today's Plan:  

Meal

1. Breakfast sandwich (223)
2. Steel Cut Oats & Ricotta (210)
3. Smart Ones meal (under 250)
4. Turkey sandwich (120)
5. Dinner--baked porkchops, peas, parmesan couscous
6. Protein shake (will skip if I feel I am full enough at dinner)  

Excercise

Burned 800 calories on the treadmill -- incline 10, went between 2.5-3.0 on speed.  Took about 75 min with breaks

Bring it on day....

Eh, its a new day

It is 3 months later and while I haven't gained my weight back I haven't lost any either.  I really have no excuse other than I just didn't want it bad enough.  

I think my mind has changed.  I now want it bad enough.  I joined a facebook group --> 2013 No-excuse mom challenge --> WOW talk about inspiration and motivation.  Love it, love it, love it.  

So here I am back in motivated state of mind.  No excuses for me.  No "not enough time", no "not enough energy", no "don't have the right foods" etc, etc, etc......

I've been trying to adopt this "lifestyle" --> 

Much easier said than done I've found out.

Here is me today ...... My day 1 (weight is 246)  Blah but I own it, not like I can hide it :)

I plan on posting daily my workout and eating schedule.   Its a motivator to me, occupies my mind instead of wanting to eat or talk negatively to myself, and helps me become accountable for fear someone might call me out on something LOL.  Bring it!  :)  Now since I'm not done with today I will fill in in tomorrows post but below a * indicates the planned meal*

Day 1 weight: 246

Meal (Calories)

1-Homemade bfast sandwich (230)

2-Steel cut oats w/ pecans & cinnamon, ricotta cheese (210)

3*-Smart Ones meal (250 or less)

4*-Turkey sandwich (160)

5*-Soft tacos, chips/salsa (dont know yet but at or under 352)

6*-Protein shake (160)

Total to be no more than 1482 per day.  I have a whole calculation I worked through....thats below.

This week I went super easy and just put together quick stuff, next week I will put together ALL clean/real food....inspired from this website http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/.  

Oh yah.....BTW I totally rocked 1,000 calories burned at the gym.  Yes, that is right 1,000 freakin' calories!

No big deal or anything ;)  Except to me.  It's a huge deal.  

Calculations for my intake and output

In order to lost 4-4.5 lbs per week

3500 cal in 1 pound    3500*4= 14000 calories in 4 pounds

Current BMR=1769     Maintain calories/day=1769*1.2=2123

Maintain cal/week=2123*7=14861.00

Total deficit per day=14000/7=2000

Start   2123 daily calories intake to just maintain

Daily burn from below= 1464 (332+332+800=1464)

Daily activities =83 cal/15 min

 Childcare = *4 = 332

 Housework =*4 = 332

 + Sleeping = -800 per 8 hours

2123-800  8 hrs sleep-664 60 min each =659

Calories just to maintain weight while burning calories for sleep/child/housework : 

2123+659 = 2782

I need to have a net balance of +782 per day to lose 4 pounds a week

Plan

Calories cut        = 1300

Calories burned     = 700

Plan

Need to Consume     2782-1300=1482

Need to Burn            1482-782=700  

(except I pushed myself and bumped it to 1000 today--which I'm sure will absorb itself on an off day)